Many thoughts...just me living on cloud 9

Last night I laid in bed and experienced a dream of mine. I had just had some sugar so the baby was kicking a ton. I laid down and watched my belly move with each kick. It was amazing to say the least. Everything I do is so new to me now. A trip to the store is fun because I am pregnant. It is ME that people make comments to and I just find myself in my own little happy world all of the time. My Mom, sister, the boys, and I were at Wendy's the other day and I held the door for some people behind us...the lady said "oh, I should be holding the door for you". It made me smile all afternoon. If people only knew that I am the most grateful pregnant person in the world. (well I'm sure there are others that would claim that, but I am at the top of that chart!!!) Recently I went to pick a carry-out at a restaurant that my sister and I used to be regulars at before I moved. The owner was there and when she saw I was pregnant came out to see my belly. I held it together, then left the parking lot sobbing. To her, I was a normal pregnant person. She asked me normal questions and has absolutely no clue what we have been through up to this point.

Mike and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary by going to Grand Rapids this past weekend. All the things we did were on the same block as our hotel so I was a normal pregnant person (no wheelchair= no "sympathy looks"). It was good for us - we reconnected a bit. We went out to dinner, went to a comedy show, got a midnight snack for our room...lots of fun and a much needed mini get-away. I have never liked my body - ever. But now I just look at it in amazement everyday and catch myself glancing at my belly often just thinking - YES, this is really happening!!! This shirt I wore for the first time Sat. night made me look SUPER pregnant! It was the perfect way to celebrate our good news Friday - the baby's heart is normal. He keeps beating all the odds time and time again.

I can honestly say I've never been happier in my life. Yes, I'm terrified that my body (specifically my crazy bowel) won't hold out until January - but being pregnant is just the best. Just these past few days I've been feeling him more often and I just can't get over how emotional it is. With each milestone I just thank God that I am to this point. And at the same time want to fast-forward to viability so I can breathe just a little bit easier. At that point I think each week will go by faster. Until then though I'm content just laying low and enjoying every single moment I feel my precious little boy. I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Can't stop crying...and they are FINALLY happy tears!!!

Wow, today I am overwhelmed with thankfulness, elation, and any other great emotion one can think of! Yesterday was our long-awaited anatomy scan. As it turns out, even though we had to wait a week longer than planned, I am SO glad it was at U of M. The Dr. we met with was genuine and it was like each word that came out of her mouth was exactly what I needed to hear. We first met again with the genetic counselor. As I sat in her office again I thought of the last time we were there and I was sitting in the same chair sobbing, not knowing what our baby's fate would be. This time, I felt scared, but more confident. WE were the ones telling her how the baby has been doing since we last saw her, and WE were the ones telling her we don't want an amnio; the tables had been turned slightly. No statistics, no hearing "I'm so sorry Jodi", this baby has been with us for almost 5 months now and is a part of our family. Not to say he wasn't back then, but I now know more about him, and I feel he knows more about me as well. We then went in for our ultrasound. There was a man with the tech from Phillips, giving him tips on their new machine. So, here Mike and I are watching our sweet baby boy do things we've never seen him do before - sucking his thumb, opening and closing his mouth, - amazing, amazing things. Then reality would hit on WHY we were seeing him right now and we would grow silent. Silent room except for this random guy softly talking about what this ultrasound machine is capable of. With every word the tech said I thought "is he saying uh-huh in that tone because he sees something bad and is trying to focus on it?". Then I'd go back in my jolly world where it was just the baby and I and I took advantage of every second I could watch him in me. This cycle of reality vs. "joy bubble world" continued for over an hour. In between me getting dizzy and nearly passing and switching to my side for relief. That was weird. Guess that's why they say pregnant people can't lay on their back for an extended period of time. We saw that he measured and examined the kidneys, bladder, diaphragm, brain, feet, hands, bowels, spine, and ribs. Towards the end, he spent a LONG time looking at the baby's heart. He wanted the baby to flip to give him a better angle so I used the restroom and it worked. I could tell Mike was beginning to panic a bit too on how much time he was spending on the heart. He finished and said from his standpoint things looked good - which really meant nothing to me because I've heard that before, then 5 minutes later heard terrible news. The 2 minutes we waited for the Dr. felt like an eternity. But that next moment made the months of waiting so worth it. Our baby looks beautiful - measures perfect! Every major disorder/defect/abnormality has been ruled out!!! If something shows up on the fetal echo we have in 2 weeks, it will be minor and something that can be fixed. My favorite line the Dr. said - - "if I didn't know your baby's history and you came in here as a "normal" patient, I would say this ultrasound is beautiful". I just keep hearing that line over and over in my head. I kept wondering if we would feel good after our appointment yesterday, if we SHOULD feel good, or if we would leave with answers still unfulfilled. She said "this is great great news, you can rest easy in knowing that in my 5 years of being here, I have not seen ONE baby that had a normal 20 week anatomy scan that had a major defect of some sort". WOW WOW WOW I don't even have words to speak. I am literally on cloud 9 right now, or whatever the happiest place in the world is called.



The tech took a picture of when he was sucking his thumb!



It was the cutest thing I've ever seen!!!